When I was on pretrial, I decided to get fit. I had gotten clean, so I figured getting fit was the next step. Coming off drugs can be an interesting process. You realize you must relearn some things and your hand eye coordination as well as balance and everything else, takes a while to come back. In February 2014 I was shot in the back of the head. This happened before my indictment and before I got clean. I know I am lucky to be alive, so I find it hard to complain about little things like my coordination being off. I was very sick after I was shot and went thru a lot of complications. So, when I quit using drugs shortly after, I couldn’t tell which problems stemmed from what. When I would find things to be complicated, I refused to make excuses. I didn’t know if it was my extensive drug use or the bullet that pierced thru my skull. I refused to accept my present condition as my final condition and the cause of the problem was irrelevant. Most people in prison have been through a lot. We have suffered so much pain and lost so

1. Write. Written words mean so much. It doesn’t have to be a long drawn out letter. If you see a quote that inspires you, write it out and send it. Receiving mail at mail call from your loved ones never gets old. 2. Gather contacts of friends and family for your loved one. Encourage others to correspond with your inmate. This shows them how much support they have. 3. Send books. If you just read a great book and you can send it to your loved one, do it. Then discuss it. Likes, dislikes, just share a conversation about it. It helps your loved one feel connected to you, the outside world, and your interests. 4. Send pictures. I don’t care if you painted your wall or mowed the yard. Take a picture of it. Send it to your inmate. We love pictures of things from your life on the outside. Send recent pictures of yourself. It comforts us to see you are doing well and look well. 5. Email. Even if it’s just a quick message. This is huge for us. Email is a blessing and because it is so quick more people will do it. 6. Visit

If you have a loved one in prison it is important to help them heal. Prisoners feel guilty because we are guilty. We have made huge mistakes and big messes and we have left our loved ones behind to deal with it. It’s easy to let our mistakes replay in our heads and to dwell on what we have left behind. However, it isn’t healthy. Our family may be just a phone call away but sometimes that doesn’t take the pain away. The guilt for what I did to my daughter is heartbreaking. To not be able to hold her and to be there for her is a terrible feeling. I have let her down. I know I have embarrassed her and because of my actions her whole life has been uprooted and she has been taken away from everything she knows. I did that. That is my fault. I am ashamed of how I have hurt her and for not being the mom I had every intention of being. I hated myself for it, but I had to heal. I had to learn to forgive myself and let it go. Staying in that painful limbo was getting me nowhere

1. I love you or We love you. This is the most important thing you could say. Even if you aren’t used to saying it, I encourage getting used to it and tell this person. They need to hear it. 2. Everything is just fine and you aren’t missing anything. Try and make a point of being positive and upbeat. This person needs this so bad right now. This first call means the world to them. If they day comes that things aren’t fine make sure and stay as positive as possible. When you are locked up you feel like you are missing everything. 3. I (We) am not going anywhere and will be right here to support you. You will have to continue to convey this message for awhile. This is so comforting. 4. Do you need anything? Just let them know you are in their corner. Let them know you are their cheer leader. 5. Establish call times. If you are not around your phone all the time this is so important. It will give your loved one something to look forward to and really build their confidence. Communication is so important to someone in prison. Even if

1. If the person doesn’t know God or know how to pray, introduce them. This is vital to their success. 2. Encourage counseling. Now is the time to be honest and take responsibility. Prison may be on the horizon, but you are about to be freed from the prison of lies and secrets. This is priceless. The feds will pay for counseling as well as drug treatment. How bad is your addiction? Gambling? Get this person to get to the root of the problem and get it all out. It may get them into a residential drug program and get time off their sentence. Repent… 3. Encourage and help get affairs in order. Your loved one is going to prison. They won’t be the special one that gets the golden ticket. If they are dealing with the feds, they are going. They need a power of attorney, deal with anything they own, plan for kids, pets. This plan needs to be adjustable. I was on pretrial for 3 years before I turned myself in. I was told there would be another continuance which meant at least 6 more months. Instead I had to turn myself in 3 weeks later. 4.